Top 5 Smart-Ass Answers

Smart-Ass Answer #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Smart-Ass Answer #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a butcher, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The butcher replied, "No, ma'am, they're dead."

Smart-Ass Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop > said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart-Ass Answer #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that > reads Low bridge ahead.' Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas." Smart-Ass Answer

#1 The SMART-ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR "THE TEACHER "
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, Class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

Wow!

I can't believe that this is the last week of classes for Fall Quarter! After this week, we only have finals (I have one next Monday and Wednesday) and then we're done until after New Year's! This quarter went really fast! If all of them go by as quickly as this one, I should have my diploma in no time... theoretically.
With winter break comes Jess and Britt coming back from Columbus! YAY! We'll have almost three whole weeks to rape, I mean, spend time with them. ;)
I'm so excited about Christmas this year! Aunty Boo comes back! I haven't seen her since summer and I'm going through withdraw! Katy better not try to hog her all to herself! *angry face* I can't wait to fill her in on everything that's happened in her absinthe, I mean, absense. ;) And New Year's is gonna be fun this year, too. :) And maybe we'll all actually be able to be in the same place this year?.. hopefully.

Another Hottie!!

Well... this picture shows one of the best parts about the new Harry Potter movie. While the movie was good, it was very little like the book.. and some of it was a little disappointing. However, the actor that they chose to play Cedric Diggory was anything but disapppointing! [Katy, you can have Ryan Reynolds.. I don't need him anymore!..;)] The only bad part is that he won't be in the next movie...*tear* But, at least Robert Pattinson (the actor) isn't dead... though he might be after I...nevermind. ;)

SO EX-CI-TING!

I'm so excited about the new Harry Potter movie!! *bounces around at the computer while trying to type* I just got finished with the fourth book about forty minutes ago and I really want to see the movie now! I was originally going to take my brothers to see the movie tonight at 7, but Ben had a dance that he wanted to go to because his girlfriend would be there...*mutters about stupid males*... so those plans got changed. But I was going to go with Christa tomorrow and see it, so I was kind-of fine with not seeing it tonight. And then, I was talking to Becky and she said that she's seeing it tonight and I started to think "well, I don't want to be the only person I know not seeing it tonight!" And it occurred to me that Tabby might want to go see it, so I called her, and sure enough, I was right. So we made plans to see it tonight at 9. I'm so ex-ci-ted!! I can't wait!

Boot the sickness to the face!

I really hate being sick, but apparently it likes me. So, I booted it to the face yesterday, hoping it would leave or die, or something, but I was denied. One awesome thing though was that I wore my "Allergic To Stupid People" shirt today, and I was sneezing pretty much the whole time I was on campus...it was great! Though, I wish that I could have like forced myself to sneeze when certain people walked by, cuz that would have been even more wonderful.

Do you know what's worse than feeling like death?...Feeling like death on a stick.
Do you know what's worse than feeling like death on a stick?... Feeling like deep-fried death on a stick...which is how I'm feeling right now!

Movie Quotes

"Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you don't deserve what you want."
-Heath Ledger's Character "10 Things I Hate About You"

"It looks like a cock, only smaller."
-Don't know who said it cuz I haven't seen the movie yet,
but this line makes me wanna see it "Jarhead"

"Huh?.. what?.. Someone's throwing stuff.. You gonna build a fire, or what?"
-Emporer Kuzco (David Spade) "Emporer's New Groove"

"Fuck me sideways!"
-Ryan Reynolds' character "Blade Trinity"

"They can take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!"
-William Wallace (Mel Gibson) "Braveheart" (also the gnome motto)

"What's that, Father? The Lord says 'Stop changing the subject and answer the fucking question!'"
-Stephen (crazy Irish guy) "Braveheart"

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return."
-Christian (Ewan McGregor) "Moulin Rouge"

Rapage is not a real word, but it should be!

Well, me and Katy went and raped Tabby in Madam's room today, cuz it's her birthday and all. I think we embarrassed her... it was great. We had Madam play the birthday song and we all sang to her... :) It was fun. We threw a nice, colorful F-bomb into her locker (that's for you, Onion). We also went down to lunch with her where Katy and I had the opportunity to rape Michael. That was lots of fun, too. By the way everyone, it's official... I'm married to my brother. Katy decided that she adopted Michael today at lunch. In case you guys are wondering, he's the baby from Johnny Depp that she's been pregnant with for..forever now. She now has to go out and get pregnant again so she can have her birth control back. (Katy believes that if she gets pregnant by someone that she can go have as much sex as she wants without having to worry about getting pregnant again, cuz it can't happen while you're pregnant to begin with.. though I think it would be funny if she ended up having like 12 babies from 12 different daddies!) So yeah... I'm married to my brother.. way to go me! Next thing I know I'll be having his baby.. if I'm not pregnant already...doy de doy. I'm such a slut... just like Mommy dearest! *wonders who Katy will rape for her next baby..?*
So, my family is getting really big. If Mommy doesn't stop sleeping around so much, we're gonna run out of branches on our family tree! Sooner or later, she'll run out of non-related people to rape and she'll have no choice but to rape her children.. oh wait.. she does that already! Watch your back, Michael! ;)

It's a mini-vacation!

I'm so ready to go to Columbus this weekend! I need a break from my life here. I had two tests today, and I can't help but feel like I failed both of them... mostly because I didn't study a whole lot for either of them. I know that I always say that I'm going to fail my tests, mostly because I've learned to always expect the worst, so if I do well, I'm really surprised... but I really don't think I did well on these tests! Oh well... I'm sure I'll have time to make up for the bad grades a little before the end of the quarter.. even though we only have three weeks left and my teachers don't exactly hand out a bunch of bonus stuff.
Anyways... I'm excited about going to Columbus with Katy and hanging out with Jess and Britt! I really hope that something doesn't come up at the last minute that will keep me from going! I don't see any reason why I wouldn't be able to.. but my karma doesn't always make sense to me. So guys... what are we gonna do while we're there? Do you have lots of fun stuff planned for us? I hope so... I wanna have some fun this weekend!

Bad Llama!

I really need to stop procrastinating! My papers and test scores might turn out better if I would actually write them or study for them before the last minute. Right now, I'm writing this blog when I could be writing my English paper, or reading the three chapters out of a book that I'm supposed to have done for class tomorrow. I could also be preparing for my history and psych exams that are on Wednesday, but... I'm not being a good student and doing all that stuff. I wish that I didn't get distracted so easily! If I didn't have ADD, I might be able to get some stuff done! ;)

Do I...?

Apparently I sound like a pornstar when I say "Oh" a certain way... not even meaning to say it that way. And, I guess I can make the phrase "bad diabetic" sound dirty. Maybe it's just a guy thing or something to be able to pick that out...I don't know. Do I sound like a pornstar to you guys? (How in the world could anyone possibly think that the phrase "bad diabetic" can be dirty in any way? What kind of porno would have that line in it?... besides probably a low-budget one, but I'm sure they can come up with something better to say than "bad diabetic"!)
I know that a lot of you readers of my blog might think that this is a weird topic to blog about, but I just feel like writing about something, and I decided that I could write about my "pornstar voice" or whatever it is, and get some interesting responses from you guys. I'm interested in seeing what the males who read this will say as opposed to what the females will say... this could be fun!